Cabinet Making

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With their talking over, the candidates have turned to the substance of governing, and speculation is rampant about who will end up in each man’s cabinet. Here is what a Romney cabinet might look like, in order of official rank. ▪   Secretary of State: Judging from last night’s debate, we don’t need one

▪   Secretary of the Treasury: Herman Cain, 9-9-9, Atlanta, Georgia

▪   Secretary of Defense (which will take back its traditional name, the Department of War): Erik Prince, founder of Blackwater, the world’s largest private army

▪   Attorney General: Rick Santorum, former senator from Pennsylvania; long-time resident of Great Falls, Virginia.

▪   Secretary of the Interior (now the Department of Oil): David Koch, philanthropist, Wichita, Kansas

▪   Secretary of Agriculture: Hugh Grant, Chairman and CEO, Monsanto

▪   Secretary of Commerce: The donor wishes to remain anonymous

▪   Secretary of Labor: Abolished

▪   Secretary of Health and Human Services: Todd Akin, Congressman, Wildwood, Missouri

▪   Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Kerry Klinger, former CEO of the former Washington Mutual, Inc.

▪   Secretary of Transportation: Rex Tillerson, Chairman and CEO, ExxonMobil

▪   Secretary of Energy (now the Department of Gas): Charles Koch, philanthropist, Wichita, Kansas

▪   Secretary of Education (abolished along with the public school system)

▪   Secretary of Veterans Affairs: Newt Gingrich, Honorary Veteran, McLean, Virginia

▪   Secretary of Homeland Security: Joseph M. Arpaio, Sheriff, Maricopa County, Arizona

▪   Chair of the Council of Home Economics Advisors (chosen randomly from a binder): Ann Romney

▪   Administrator of the EPA (Economic Production Agency): Hon. James M. Inhofe (R), Tulsa, Oklahoma

▪   Ambassador (now Minister) to the United Nations: Terry Jones, Pastor, Gainesville, Florida

Tomorrow: Obama’s cabinet.